would probably regret or not

A Life of My Own

From an early age, our parents expect so much from us:

• Get good grades

• Be responsible

• Be obedient

• Graduate from school

• Get a career

• Get married

• Have kids...

I did everything I could to make my father proud.
As a single mother, I’ve also been assisting him with his needs—caring for him, running errands, managing family matters, and supporting him in ways I know he appreciates.
And the truth is: I have no problem doing those things for him.

But today I woke up with a realization—
My father has been conditioning me to live his life.
And I deserve a life of my own.

I’ve always known that many of the things he says to me, the expectations he holds, don’t align with the woman I am becoming.
There are moments I feel uncomfortable with the decisions I’m pushed to make on his behalf—
Handling finances, solving family problems, dealing with office responsibilities.

And when I stop to reflect, I realize the only time I truly have to myself is at the gym.
That sacred hour where it’s just me and the weights,
me and the treadmill,
me and my breath.

If I’m not mentally or physically strong—
as a mother, as a daughter, as a sister, or even just as me—
how can I truly show up for others?
How can I give my 100%?

I have a habit of making others feel comfortable, putting their needs above mine, always trying to avoid conflict,
and in the process, I forget to set boundaries.
I get stuck in my head, unable to communicate what’s really going on inside.

But I’ve come to this quiet conclusion:
I need God’s guidance.
To calm my spirit, to bring me clarity, and to help me think with wisdom—
before I make any decision.

Because I’m learning that loving others doesn’t mean I have to lose myself.
And choosing myself doesn’t mean I’m betraying anyone.
It means I’m finally honoring the life God gave me.